It was almost a year ago when my journey as a step mom started. I must admit I came totally unprepared. I did not know how to cook, use the vacuum, the microwave oven, dishwasher and the list goes on and on and on... It was relatively easy to know the how to's but what threw me of slightly was the fact that these children were brought up differently to the way I was brought up and to the way I wanted to bring my son up. Culture clash to the max! My husband screams and gets frustrated with them because that's the only way he could get through them.
They weren't like that whenever i'd see them prior to the wedding. Their behaviour was at it's absolute best. It was such a shock to me as to how they really where when I moved in. They'd be throwing tantrums left and right, howl like wolves when crying -- I swear the people two blocks away could hear them, taking a bath seemed like a punishment, asking them to go to bed at a reasonable time was deemed as a castigation, changing clothes made me feel like I owe them big time because I won't have too many clothes to wash. Yes, they do have their sweetie moments and adoring ways...at the end of the day, the good things still outweigh the bad ones. It's not their fault that they are what they currently are like, it would have to be up to me and my husband to try and change their bad ways and point them in the right direction..that's why I am mommy.
Thursday 17 June 2010
Tuesday 15 June 2010
First post
I am currently living in a different country with my husband where none of my relatives are. All I had with me when I moved here was my name, dignity and my then 5 year old son. My then soon to be husband had 2 older children by his first marriage and 2 younger children who still resides with him by his second marriage to another lady who also hails from the country where I came from.
He runs his own business, has a big house with a humongous garden where his 2 boys and my son can run around freely. He is a good provider, spoils me rotten and sometimes spoils the kids as well. Sounds nice right? Wrong!
I am writing this as I have no one to express my feelings with. I am afraid that if I open up to any of his family members (who are all really nice and accommodating by the way) might misconstrue what I am saying. There is a huge community of the people who are my countrymen in the area but I still am having second thoughts of saying anything to them as I am terribly scared of gossip and they have a really mean mentality wherein they try to pull you down when the green eyed monster rears it's ugly head.
So here I am, trying to share my thoughts, feelings, joy, disappointments, pet peeves and all to whoever would care to read or comment. I honestly try to love my stepsons the way I love my own but they are making it terribly difficult for me. I guess their mom and I were not brought up the same way. I heard she had a terrible temper, throwing stuff at them when she's having one of her moments, completely opposite to what I am. I have a very soft voice and though sometimes I try to make my point by raising my voice,they tell me that I sounded like I was talking in their normal voice. The children are very loud and unfortunately my son is starting to sound like them.
All throughout my life, my parents had girls who were always there to do the household chores for the family. Total opposite here in the western world where here, I am expected to do everything for them. I was young once, spoiled rotten too but I have never been disorganized, messy and totally lazy like the two older boys here at home! You can't say they're boys because I had a younger brother who is now very manly but he never leaves a trail of dirty clothes all over the house when he changes from his school uniform to regular clothes. You can liken them to a snake when it sheds it's skin. These boys, when asked to shower, you would think that they are being punished.. Like HELLO!! Personal hygiene to them is so foreign. Don't get me wrong, I love them and would do anything for them but when it really is becoming difficult for me when they have that distinctive body odour that makes me gag everytime they are within 5 feet away from me. I have tried to teach them how to clean themselves and what to do, bought tons of body spray and deodorants but none of it seems to work. It always falls on deaf ears it seems. I have talked to my husband about it and he is also in despair.
Sometimes, I feel like packing up and leaving. I had a great job that I know I will be able to get back to. A house, my mom, my dad, my brother, my grandma, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, nephews and nieces and hordes of friends that would support me whatever I do but then again I vowed to stick with husband no matter what, for better or for worse, till death do us part....
He runs his own business, has a big house with a humongous garden where his 2 boys and my son can run around freely. He is a good provider, spoils me rotten and sometimes spoils the kids as well. Sounds nice right? Wrong!
I am writing this as I have no one to express my feelings with. I am afraid that if I open up to any of his family members (who are all really nice and accommodating by the way) might misconstrue what I am saying. There is a huge community of the people who are my countrymen in the area but I still am having second thoughts of saying anything to them as I am terribly scared of gossip and they have a really mean mentality wherein they try to pull you down when the green eyed monster rears it's ugly head.
So here I am, trying to share my thoughts, feelings, joy, disappointments, pet peeves and all to whoever would care to read or comment. I honestly try to love my stepsons the way I love my own but they are making it terribly difficult for me. I guess their mom and I were not brought up the same way. I heard she had a terrible temper, throwing stuff at them when she's having one of her moments, completely opposite to what I am. I have a very soft voice and though sometimes I try to make my point by raising my voice,they tell me that I sounded like I was talking in their normal voice. The children are very loud and unfortunately my son is starting to sound like them.
All throughout my life, my parents had girls who were always there to do the household chores for the family. Total opposite here in the western world where here, I am expected to do everything for them. I was young once, spoiled rotten too but I have never been disorganized, messy and totally lazy like the two older boys here at home! You can't say they're boys because I had a younger brother who is now very manly but he never leaves a trail of dirty clothes all over the house when he changes from his school uniform to regular clothes. You can liken them to a snake when it sheds it's skin. These boys, when asked to shower, you would think that they are being punished.. Like HELLO!! Personal hygiene to them is so foreign. Don't get me wrong, I love them and would do anything for them but when it really is becoming difficult for me when they have that distinctive body odour that makes me gag everytime they are within 5 feet away from me. I have tried to teach them how to clean themselves and what to do, bought tons of body spray and deodorants but none of it seems to work. It always falls on deaf ears it seems. I have talked to my husband about it and he is also in despair.
Sometimes, I feel like packing up and leaving. I had a great job that I know I will be able to get back to. A house, my mom, my dad, my brother, my grandma, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, nephews and nieces and hordes of friends that would support me whatever I do but then again I vowed to stick with husband no matter what, for better or for worse, till death do us part....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)